Reads
Yo Mamma...
Yo Mamma is so fat...
- when she stepped on the scale, it said,"I want your weight. Not your phone number."
- she had to get baptized at SeaWorld.
- when she walked into Jenny Craig, they said, "We're sorry.. we don't do miracles."
- she falls off BOTH sides of the bed!
- whenever she goes to the bathroom, she gets charged for illegal dumping.
- even God couldn't lift her spirits!
- she has her own zip code!
- when she sat on a rainbow, skittles popped out.
- when she wears a red dress, the kids in the neighborhood yell, "Hey, Kool-Aid!"
- when she stepped in the road and I tried to swerve around her, I ran out of gas!
- it takes a train and two buses to get on her good side.
- she rents shade!
- she invented the lowrider!
- when she walked into a room, someone said, "Woah! Was that a solar eclipse or did Free Willie just walk in?
- when she walked into a hotel and asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the ocean!
- she tripped over K-Mart, stumbled over Wal-Mart and landed on Target!
- when she puts on high heels in the morning, by the afternoon they're flats.
- her picture weighs ten pounds.
- she tripped over a rock and fell asleep trying to get up.
- when she stepped on a scale, it said, "to be continued."
- when she wears a yellow coat, people run after her yelling "taxi!"
- she's on both sides of the family.
- when she got lost (amazingly) they had to use all 4 sides of the milk carton.
- The National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts.
- people jog around her for exercise!
- she plays pool with the planets.
- it took 25 minutes to download a picture of her from the Internet.
- she makes big bird look like a rubber duckie!
- when she walks in front of the T.V. you miss out on 3 commercials!
- her belly-button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.
- she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth!
- when she sits on a dollar, blood rushes out George Washington's nose!
- that when she turns her head, her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
- she uses the highway for a slippin' slide.
- she uses a pie as a clock.
- she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
- she fell in love and broke it.
- she makes the world look like the size of numbers.
- when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck.
- she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
- when she wears red the neighborhood kids shout "Koolaid! Koolaid!"
- she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
- when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.
- she stood on a scale, and the scales life flashed before it eyes.
- when she turns around it's her birthday.
- last time she saw 90210 she was looking down at her scale!
- the animals at the zoo feed her.
- she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors.
- she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
- she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy.
- when you get on top of her your ears pop!
- she got to iron her pants on the driveway.
- she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.
- when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th.
- when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.
- when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please".
- she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!
- she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
- whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
- when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
- she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
- even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
- she wakes up in sections!
- when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
- her rolls have rolls.
- when she went to a all you can eat buffet she spent the night.
- she got hit by a parked car!
- she has to buy two airline tickets.
- when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
- she stands in two time zones.
- she uses redwoods to pick her teeth.
- she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
Yo Mamma is so old...
- her memory is in black and white
- she drove a chariot to high school
- she has a Jesus Starter jacket
- she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp
- she walked into an antique store and they kept her
- she used to baby-sit Yoda
- she DJ'd at the Boston Tea Party
- she took her drivers test on a dinosaur
- she needed a walker when Jesus was still in diapers
- Jurassic Park brought back memories
Yo Mamma is so nasty...
- she made Right Guard turn left
- she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles
- she puts ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh
- they call her Norelco... Home of the triple head
- when she did the splits, she stuck to the floor
- she's got more clap than an auditorium
- she went swimming and made the Dead Sea
- she pours salt water in her drawers to keep the crabs alive
- she made Speed Stick slow down
- she has more crabs then Red Lobster
Yo Mamma is so stupid...
- at bottom of application where it says Sign Here - she put Sagittarius
- when I gave her a dollar and asked for a quater back, she gave me Dan Marino
- I told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it
- that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
- I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod
- she called the 7-11 to see when they closed
- she cooked her own complimentary breakfast
- she died before the police arrived because she couldn't find the "11" button in "9-1-1"
- she gave your uncle a blowjob 'cause he said it'd help his unemployment
- she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's
- she can't make Jello because she can't fit 2 quarts of water in the box
- she couldn't tell which way an elevator was going if I gave her two guesses
- she fell up the stairs
- she got hit by a parked car
- she had Dan Quayle check her spelling
- she jumped out the window and went up
- she needed a tutor to learn how to scribble
- she ordered her sushi well done
- she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald's and said "Hold the cheese."
- she invented a solar powered flashlight
- she got shot running to the border after seeing a Taco Bell commercial
- she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged
Yo Mamma is so skinny...
- she hula hoops with a cheerio
- she has to wear a belt with spandex
- she only has one stripe on her pajamas
- she can dodge rain drops
- she can see out the peephole with both eyes
- when she wore her yellow dress, she looked like a #2 pencil
- if she turned sideways and stuck out her tongue, she would look like a zipper
- if she had a sesame seed on her head, she'd look like a push pin
- she looks like a mic stand
- I could blind-fold her with dental floss
- she turned sideways and disappeared
Yo Mamma is so ugly...
- her dentist treats her by mail-order
- her pillow cries at night
- even the elephant man paid to see her
- her shadow quit
- her face is closed on weekends
- Greenpeace mistook her for an endangered elephant
- even the tide won't come back in
- even Bill Clinton wouldn't sleep with her
- if you looked up ugly in the dictionary her picture would be next to it
- I took her to the zoo and the guy at the door said "Thanks for bringing her back."
- I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application.
- her shadow ran away from her
- I took her to the zoo and the monkeys said "Damn, how'd you get out so fast."
- if she were a scarecrow, the corn would run away
- it looks like she ran the 100 yard dash in a 90 yard gym
- she didn't get hit with the ugly stick, she got hit with the ugly log
- she gives Freddy Kreuger nightmares
- she could scare the flies off a waste wagon
- she has a sign in her yard that says "Beware of Dog."
- she could scare the moss off a rock
- she has 7 years bad luck just trying to look at herself in the mirror
- she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween
- she could scare the chrome off a bumper
- when she signed up for an ugly contest, the lady said "Sorry, no professionals!"
Yo Mamma is so greasy...
- she used bacon as a band-aid
- she sweats Crisco
- Texaco buys Oil from her